1- Washington, do you hear me? – Where are you?
2
– You need to shut down the engines. – I’m working on it.
3
Shit!
4
Congratulations.
5
High five.
6
Well that was disappointing.
7
Do you think he suffered? Even just a little?
8
Vivian, I knew you could do it. Sensational, all the way. Congratulation.
9
– What’s Helium 3′? – Helium
10
Did you say Helium 3?
11
Yes, there’s like about 15 to 20 giant towers that appear to be full of the stuff.
12
– That’s ours. – It is? Why?
13
Helium 3, will make the U.S. independent of all energy needs for the next thousand years.
14
Oh! Yes, it’s ours.
15
No,no,no… Hear me out. Hear me out.
16
The moon is American soil. Moon flag, star and stripes
17
Who beat the moon Nazis? We did, well…
18
Well, you help out here and there but ultimately it is just like WWII…
19
And who won that? We did
20
– You lie. – Don’t believe me?
21
Watch the movie. Movies don’t lie.
22
Not the shoes, Jesus
23
Vivian, this is the Scretary of Defense.
24
– Defend the whole Helium 3 at all costs. – But against who?
25
Against everybody.
26
Unfortunately that’s the story of revenge. It’s messy.
27
Never really works out the way you wanted it to.
28
I feel lonely.
29
Allowing our hearts, or we will burn…
30
burn in hell, burning in eternal damnation.
31
Renate
32
Washington.
33
You are alive.
34
Oh! It’s okay. It’s okay.
35
And you’re the way you meant to be
36
Are you aware that you are kissing a black man?
37
I guess they have a lot of work cut out.
1- What the hell is this place? – This is the Gotterdammerung.
2
It will liberate the earth.
3
Actually
4
It is the biggest war machine ever created by man.
5
– This is the bridge. That’s where I’m going – I need to find your father.
6
– Where do you think he at? – I think you will find him over there.
7
Try to sneak in, and please paralyze the engines.
8
– Or otherwise the earth is destroyed. – Note to self, paralyze the engines.
9
OK
10
– Oh! No… – What? – You be careful.
11
– I mean you know… – What?
12
– Because you likes me. – Right…
13
Oh, come on, a little, I mean…
14
You like me…
15
We have a visual on the Nazi fortress, commander.
16
Obviously I’m overstated as usual, Klaus
17
Alright, everyone, let’s get those nukes in action
18
– I’m declaring this fortress a free-fire-zone – But commander, there are woman and children down there.
19
The United States of America does not negotiate with terrorists.
20
– Prime warheads on secondary armament. – Roger that.
21
– Prepare all available warheads on ground… – Fire the fucking nukes
22
Nukes away
23
Job well done.
24
Doctor Richter!
25
– How much time do you need? – The Gotterdammerung will fly
26
Hey, quack. Remember me?
27
The moon spook you turned into a snowflake.
28
Oh! shit, it’s alive
29
He must have the smallest dick in the universe.
30
Everyone, take positions around this fat fellas and wait for my command to open fire.
31
– Offensive ground confirmed – Let her rip.
32
Reactivate the systems, Weapons NCO
33
We’ll see…
1- Take us upstate. We need to go back to the moon.
2
We? No, no, no. See we rhymes with me, and I ain’t going…
3
You don’t get it.
4
– They have a G?tterd?mmerung on the moon. – I don’t give a good god damn what they have.
5
– I’m not going back to that place. No way. – You want to look like that for the rest of your life?
6
Oh, great, now this is my fault.
7
– Let me in. – I am no hero, James.
8
I need you.
9
Do you know how to drive this thing?
10
Well, can’t be any different than playing “Wing commander”?
11
Lets try..
12
I swear we do not have nothing on the moon.
13
– Japan? – It is not ours
14
– China? – It is not us
15
It’s bloody well not ours.
16
– I confess. – Yes, North Korea? Confess to what?
17
The spaceships are ours.
18
Our beloved leader designed and built it himself
19
– What’s so funny? – All right, North Korea. Sit down.
20
– So, it was you India, I knew that! – No, no this is a sign of peace
21
That is the sign of peace.
22
Just cut it out, you morons. These thugs are Nazis. And I mean the real McCoy.
23
They’ve been hiding on the moon just waiting to pounce.
24
My question is, what are you all planning to about it?
25
Cause we happen to have a little something of our own
26
and I’m sure that you’ll be thankful for it.
27
May I present to you tomorrow exploration ship the USS George W Bush.
28
Good work, take it to Officer Tyler please.
29
This is trajectory, how your status on the orbit window?
30
Commander on deck.
31
The hostile fleet’s has launched a full scale aerial attack against the United States.
32
These Zeppelins appear to be carriers and they are operating fully within the thermosphere.
33
Each of them approximately carrying 200 enemy vessel and are extremely…
34
Hell have no fury, Mr. Adler.
35
Alright kiddies, let get this show on the road
36
Vivian, you look great. How is it going up there?
37
Madam President, I couldn’t be better.
38
I am packing dozens of mega tonnes of nuclear warheads
39
which I am going to carefully place on Klaus’s croud ass.
40
– Just as soon as I get him on my sight – Carry on, kick butt
41
Let them see what the baby can do.
42
Working at optimum capacity. Ammo consumption within tolerance.
43
We are going under extremely heavy fire. We’re gonna need the reinforcement right now.
44
What the hell is the meaning of this?
45
Good day mate this Australian ship, the Indurain 1. Ready to kick ass.
46
Spitfire reporting in,
47
Hanging there W. Canada joining the battle
48
It’s a direct violation of international space treaty that
49
you all signed, every single one of you.
50
Ready to join the battles.
51
That is supposed to be destroyed.
52
It is an outrage, you’re all liers just like my ex-husband.
53
– Clam down lady, clam down – Don’t you lady me, Russian
54
Okay who didn’t arm their spaceships?
55
Oh,great, great. That’s just great
56
– You all gave me your word. – But you broke yours.
57
We always break ours, this is what we do.
58
Okay, fine, fine, fine…
59
Let’s just beat shit out of these pricks and talk about the details later.
60
This is beautiful.
61
– Where the hell are we going? – To the Gotterdammerung.
62
I think Klaus will be there.
63
What do you think of that? Heil Adler.
64
Alright, what about this moon business
65
What do you say we head down over and slap around a bit.
66
Klaus, baby, I’m coming to get you.
67
Attention!
68
Well?
1- If I eliminate the moon fuhrer.
2
Um… So Klaus, is this clown joining us?
3
what did you all buy tickets?
4
Great, ok, don’t you want to introduce me to your friends?
5
Get your hooks off me. You cristal nut piece-of-shit
6
I can make it worthwhile for you. Please,let me go
7
I am here to tell you that I have nothing to do with you and your plans.
8
You Nazi-piece-of-shit
9
He fell for the old one last blow job offer.
10
God! Nazis are stupid.
11
My compliments on your marksmanship
12
Shame. She was such a nice girl. Just have to kill her later.
13
So, it was real?
14
– All this time. – Never doubt a Nazi, beautiful woman.
15
Farewell, fasionista.
16
I have a planet to conquer.
17
I will just grab this.
18
Bye.
19
Good luck with the rest of your life.
20
Unbe-fucking-lievable!
21
Thank you, Kelly. Moments ago New York has become under attack
22
Witnesses claimed to have see hundred of UFOs appearing suddenly over the city and opening fire.
23
Billy get that, get that. Are you getting that?
24
Kelly, the craft is at least 60 feet across.
25
I’m seeing what appear to be weapons of some-kind dangling down from the bottom.
26
Oh, my god! It’s opening fire. It’s opening fire. I’m going to hide.
27
– Ok you see the thing is, the Klaus… – I know it was you doing.
28
– It’s wonderful. – It’s wonderful?
29
It’s brilliant. I’m a wartime president now.
30
All the presidents who start a war in their first term
31
always get reelected, I thought, I was gonna have to bomb Australia or something.
32
But now, you bring me real..
33
– Who are these guys anyway? – Nazis
34
– from the moon. – Real life Nazis
35
Holy shit, this is keep getting better and better.
36
You are a miracle worker, babe.
37
They are the only guys we ever actually managed to beat in a fair fight.
38
I’m just like Franklin D. Roosevelt. Only you know, I’m not a spastic.
39
I knew you would be excited.
40
So if you’re Roosevelt, then who is your General Patton or, you know, MacArthur.
41
Minister Scretary of Defense. Do you have any thoughts on this?
42
Send her.
43
– Me? – Hey, you’re the miracle worker.
44
Apparently you dodge bullets, too.
45
– I wouldn’t know… – What to wear? You’ll think of something,
46
– You always do. – Madam President…
47
Ready to face the music?
48
Escape from the Nazis.
1- What you and all earthlings need to know… – Yeah, I get it.
2
This is good.
3
This is going to work.
4
You, I need.
5
And you…
6
I want.
7
Alright, let’s go meet the president.
8
Madam President…
9
here’s the miracle you asked for.
10
– Who is that man? – He will lead the campaign troops.
11
Renate, please…
12
It’s very simple.
13
The world is sick…
14
and we are the doctors.
15
The world has anemia and we are the vitamin.
16
The world is weary, but we are the strength.
17
We are here to make the world healthy again.
18
With hard work…
19
with honesty, with clarity, with decency.
20
We are the product of loving mothers and brave fathers.
21
We are the embodiment of love and bravery.
22
We are the gift of both God and science.
23
We are the answer to the question.
24
We are the promise delivered to all mankind.
25
For that we raise our hand, to one nation.
26
We step to the beat of one drum of this world…
27
We are the people who carry the children on our shoulders.
28
In the same way as our fathers carry us and their fathers before them.
29
We are the one people united and strong.
30
We are the one people with certainty, moral certainty.
31
We are invincible and we have no fear.
32
Because the truth makes us one.
33
Hey, the Moon Nazis are coming. What’s wrong with you people, can’t you see?
34
Look, I’ve been there. I’m telling you.
35
They got this whole moon base, they got this whole like space thing going on and they’re coming to take over.
36
You must listen to this, because the Nazis are coming.
37
They coming to get us all. Why don’t you listen to me? I mean…
38
Renate
39
Washington. James Washington.
40
I’m so glad to see you alive.
41
Look, I got one. This is the bitch that make me white.
42
Come on people, help me.
43
Help me.
44
I saved your life.
45
So, you’re a formerly dead, black model…
46
who is now suddenly a living white hobo.
47
after spending the weekend on the moon. Is that correct?
48
– Yes, that’s correct – So I was listening
49
And you are Neil Armstrong after his sex change operation. Is this correct?
50
No, that is not correct. You were not listening at all.
51
My name is Richter. Renate Richter.
52
I tried to save this man life and I think he’s stupid, childish and ungrateful.
53
Ok, ask Mrs. Moon-Nazi here, was I or was I not on the dark side of the moon?
54
Yes, Mr. Washington, James Washington, was on the dark side of the moon.
55
There, what did I tell you
56
I am black, but now I’m white. I went to the dark side of the moon, but now I’m back.
57
And the Nazis are coming to kill us all.
58
And you guys are gonna be so sorry that you didn’t listene to me.
59
Mr. Washington James, why are you so upset and so angry?
60
– Get lost. – But I did not understand
61
I mean, we made you white.
62
We taught you the National Socialist message about peace and unity.
63
You people have robbed me of everything.
64
My race, my identity, my career.
65
And I begin to think my flipping mind too. I mean just everything.
66
Do you know this?
67
Yes.
68
Come on. Come on in. I will explain it to you. Then you’ll understand it.
69
You’re one strange blonde. I’ll give you that.
70
Oh! You konw you buying popcorn, right?
71
What bullshit.
72
It was…
73
– It was so long. – Yeah, they could edited it down a bit.
74
He was mocking the fuhrer.
75
I’m getting a sense there’s a lot about nazis you don’t know.
76
– But I am a Nazi. – Oh, yeah, yeah, I know, but you not like.
77
Well, I mean, like them, a bunch of stupid bullies.
78
No, I’m sure they’re good boys.
79
and loyal to the Reich and their mothers.
80
Look, they are wearing the symbol of love
81
– The swastika? – Yes.
82
Never heard of they called that before.
83
Oh, no, no, no…
84
Good evening, boys
85
What do we got here, blond hair, blue eyes, nice rack.
86
– Even Hitler would get a hard-on. – Look, I got this.
87
– Look guys, we don’t want any trouble. – What you doing here, hobo?
88
– I got plenty stories to tell you, you are not gonna believe this. – Stop that, that is enough.
89
What she needs is a good war.
90
A war always make the president popular.
91
Well, I might be able to help her there.
92
How do you mean?
93
One word from me, and the invasion from the moon begins.
94
– You never break character, do you? – No.
95
I can never be broken.
96
– You smell so good. – The time has come.
97
I will show you my plans.
98
Come here.
99
Look I want to show you something.
100
Oh big fella!
101
All work and no play?
102
Now listen, don’t you think if I strangle the president…
103
Will the troops stay in line with us?
104
When I ordered the moon invasion
105
It will be quietless bloodshed.
1- Look, what is going to happen to me? I mean, what with this guy keeps sticking needles in me?
2
– What about that angry dude? – My father sticking needles into you?
3
That freaking scientist guy? That your dad?
4
And what about you know…
5
– I’m sorry, what? – Klaus Adler.
6
He’s going to be the next Fuhrer.
7
And my husband.
8
Did you lose a bet or something? I mean…
9
Hey, girl. Lucky you
10
Well, ctually, lucky him
11
– I shouldn’t even be here – You cannot leave me tied up like this
12
– Please do me a favor. – What?
13
– Play a Nazi – And if I don’t?
14
– They will eliminate you. – Oh, great.
15
Is there a different radio station?
16
With the upcoming war…
17
He’s back.
18
Okay.
19
Hey, I don’t like the look at this.
20
With the prisoner now is one of us we go down to the earth.
21
He will help us to find more telephone computers.
22
And then return and get G?tterd?mmerung flying.
23
– Can you smell that? – No. We don’t have time to waste.
24
Take me to that president of yours.
25
What? The President?
26
Come on man, I thought you want me to take you to Mac store or something
27
You said that you know the President of The United States of America.
28
Right, of course
29
That President.
30
May I meet this President too?
31
Hey, Mrs. Richter, welcome to my planet.
32
– Get the hell out of my property – You got to get out of here.
33
Hold on there, boss man.
34
That may not be the sharpest move.
35
Let me go talk to those guys. Alright? They know me, you know, I’m one of them.
36
Are you with me?
37
Yeah, yeah. Now you’re talking.
38
Now.
39
I am happy to see you all, man.
40
You all know me.
41
– Washington. – I mean…
42
That ain’t one of yours, is it? Because I… Look man, you ain’t got to bring the shit out.
43
I’m a peace loving brother, man.
44
– Are you alright? – Do I fucking look alright to you Mrs. Crazy fucing Nazi?
45
What the hell just happen?
46
You know…
47
Oh no, mother-f way.
48
What did you sick sons of bitches do to me?
49
– I should’ve told you – What? That I look like a polar bear?
50
You know what? You two really fuck up a guy business.
51
Idiots, what is wrong with you.
52
We made you Aryan, you one of us now.
53
– You should be thanking us. – Thanking you?
54
What I should have done is let those brother come here with a size 15
55
put those foot so far up your ass. You can taste their toe nails for 2 fucking weeks.
56
Klaus.
57
Bring me to your leader, James Washington.
58
Hey, what the fuck? Excuse me?
59
Get your hands off me, you mother…
60
– Is she your boss? – Yes, she’s the big cheese.
61
– And she knows the president? – Yes, they are really tight.
62
Come on.
63
You fucking bastards. Do you know who I am? Huh? Do you?
64
You just kidnapped the wrong woman. The wrong fucking woman.
65
Oh, yeah. I hope your having a good time. I’m gonna kick your fucking ass.
66
Excellent.
67
My turn.
68
I am Commander Klaus Adler of the 4th Reich. We are based on the moon.
69
I’m told you know the president of the United States of the Americas.
70
You will take us to that the President, because…
71
– I have a very special present for him. – Him?
72
Well, he’ll loved that. He just loves presents.
73
As soon as my mission is accomplished,
74
Nazi invading forces will be called in under my directions
75
and we will end the good times for the bad people.
76
And how do you propose to do that?
77
– We will simply eliminate them. – What?
78
– Sorry, that is not what we are told. – Renate, I do not think that you…
79
Yeah. Why not?
80
Why don’t tell you this woman why we are here. Just like you keep telling your pupils.
81
I would love to do that.
82
You see…
83
The National Socialist Party is the people’s party, nothing more…
84
We wish to return to earth with our message of peace and unity.
85
Love through virtue
86
and kindness, for example.
87
We are healthy, in mind and body.
88
Our spirits are brave and true.
89
We achieved that because we are strong, disciplined in our cause.
90
There is simply no believe that they can match ours…
91
because peace and unity is the gift that we bring to all mankind.
1- you are a knock-out.
2
How do I get out of here?
3
Thanks, lady. Have a nice day.
4
No, Mr. subhuman. This is the air lock.
5
No.
6
You might wanna cover up a bit.
7
All good?
8
I won’t do that if I was you.
9
Listen to me, Listen to me.
10
I know a lot of important people. They are very important people.
11
Even the President of America.
12
If you kill me, then it’s really fuck-up situation.
13
You know the president of the United States of America?
14
Thanks, homie. I’ll talk to you later babe.
15
Question, what is this apparatus?
16
Look man, how would I know? I’m just a model.
17
– A model of what? Citizen? – No, a model model.
18
Damn, what’s wrong with you two? Blind or something?
19
– Shit, I’m pretty. – Are you part of the short trip before the invasion?
20
Invasion? Man, you all must be tripping.
21
What is your mission?
22
Look dude, I just follow the paycheck, you know what I’m saying?
23
– What is this device? – That’s my kick-ass cellphone.
24
– And a computer. – What?
25
That’s not a computer.
26
This is a computer.
27
No, man. That’s ancient history homie.
28
I am telling you once again.
29
One moment we receive conformation that the ship has landed successfully on the moon.
30
The next, all communication stop.
31
– The signal simply vanished. – Or you’re hiding something from us?
32
Yeah, we are hiding something on the dark side of the moon.
33
I still find it very difficult to believe that entire purpose of the mission
34
to promote your president reelection.
35
Well, believe what you like, we had the senators spend
36
hundreds-of-millions of campaigns to get her elected the dog-shit-post.
37
But Mr. Secretary, the expenses involve this time only makes
38
sense if it were a military test.
39
Okay, let’s get this clear.
40
The United State has no military activity on the moon.
41
What about natural resources activity?
42
We know how the US sometimes mixes the two up.
43
Is there any chance that you are looking for Helium 3 up there?
44
Helium 3? You just made that up, didn’t you?
45
That’s so silly
46
I assume these are just preliminary idea?
47
Sir, we have a very small delivery window.
48
– Sir? – Yes, sir.
49
Ma’am, and this is all.
50
Anyone who does not head of the department, should leave.
51
You idiots.
52
You morons! That’s an insult to morons.
53
What is this shit?
54
I have a meeting with the President of the United fucking States of America.
55
Tomorrow fucking morning.
56
Not with the President of fucking Zambia.
57
Not with the President of the fucking Janitor’s Union.
58
But with the president of the fucking country which we all live.
59
Fucking little pieces of hellacious shit.
60
What am I supposed to tell her?
61
That my employees are not intelligent enough
62
to be fucking morons?
63
Are you willing to work with the Fuhrer…
64
in the name of the fatherland, stand behind the Wehrmacht.
65
This decision does not resolve all of us…
66
Thank you. I thought my ears would start bleeding.
67
You’re welcome.
68
May I ask what you name is?
69
Washington, James Washington.
70
– What’s yours? – Renate Richter.
71
It is a pleasure to meet you, Washington.
72
James Washington.
73
What’s wrong with your skin?
74
Come on now please, you have met a brother before, right?
75
– No, I’m the only child. – No, I didn’t mean like that.
76
I meant a black man.
77
No, and this continues to confuse me.
78
because you are much blacker than we first encountered you.
79
Okay, girl, look, either I’m black or you’re blind.
1- Approaching terminator line.
2
Roger that, be advice radio static.
3
Roger that.
4
Seven, three, eleven.
5
Looking good. Landing vector optimum touch down in T-minus 12,
6
eleven, ten, nine,
7
eight, seven, six,
8
five, four, three,
9
two, one.
10
Now drop the banners.
11
– All set. – Must we?
12
– The Eagle has landed baby. – Please keep that fool off the main frequency.
13
Are getting a reading on you end too, Sanders?
14
Mission control I can confirm vast quantity of Helium 3.
15
– The reading are stronger this way. – You’re breaking up, pls be advice you may be nearing meteor shower…
16
Adjust to communicate…
17
No fucking way.
18
Hey, Sanders, what do you do with that thing hopping around over there?
19
I thought you suppose to take some photos of me.
20
– Washington, have you got a visual on… – What was that, Houston?
21
– Hey, Washington, it’s Helium 3. – What?
22
It’s Helium 3 mine. Get over here! Hey, there’s something over here you need to see.
23
No, Sanders! Sanders!
24
Oh, god.
25
Houston! Houston! Son-of-a-bitch. I need to get out of here.
26
In English, now.
27
Where are we from?
28
– Siegfried. – The earth.
29
And when did we leave?
30
– Brunhild – 1945.
31
– And where did we go? – The dark side of the moon.
32
Brilliant.
33
Don’t try to play dumb with me.
34
It was your bad idea to send those idiots to the moon.
35
– Talk about disaster. – No disrespect, madam president,
36
but I’m pretty sure it was your idea.
37
It was my great idea have they succeeded, now it’s your stupid idea. Got it?
38
I didn’t hire you for stupid ideas, I hire you because of your modest touch.
39
Now my polls are in the toilet and that election is just weeks.
40
You’d drop the ball, Vivian. You!
41
Now, I need a miracle. Get me a miracle.
42
Actually, how was sending those two astronauts to the moon? Suppose to get me reelected, exactly.
43
We haven’t been to the moon for fifty years. One of them was black.
44
– Thought it would look good. – Look good how?
45
Like I said one of them was black.
46
Just think of the opportunity we wasted years ago with that errand boy, Alan Powell?
47
– Colin Powell. – That was close.
48
– And where are you going? – The UN, to do my job.
49
The Great Dictator by Charlie Chaplin.
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It is one of the world famous short films.
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which illustrates in ten minutes his wish that one day, the entire world
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that we will be in the great fuhrer wise and gentle hands.
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– Any questions? – I have a question.
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In my classroom, we are here to strictly form a manner in addressing one another.
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To what do we owe the honor of this visit?
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We capture an earthling. Your expertise is required.
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No, no, no.
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I love sauerkraut.
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And Volkswagen. Driving pleasure.
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Hey, German words, right? You know, this is it.
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Where I come from we speak German too.
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You’ll be sorry you did that white boy.
