線上閱讀討論-單親插班生about a boy 01


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1- Okay, you ready for this?
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As ever. Let’s do it.
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Let’s play Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?
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Who wrote the phrase “No man is an island”?
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John Donne? John Milton?
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John F. Kennedy?
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Jon Bon Jovi?
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Jon Bon Jovi. Too easy.
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And, if I may say so, a complete load of bollocks.
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In my opinion, all men are islands.
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And what’s more, now’s the time to be one.
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This is an island age.
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A hundred years ago, you had to depend on other people.
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No one had TV or CDs or DVDs or videos…
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…or home espresso makers.
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Actually, they didn’t have anything cool.
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Whereas now, you see…
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…you can make yourself a little island paradise.
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With the right supplies and the right attitude…
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…you can be sun-drenched, tropical, a magnet…
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…for young Swedish tourists.
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Hi, it’s Kristina. I haven’t heard from you.
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I had a great time last weekend. So give me a call, okay? ‘Bye.
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And I like to think that perhaps I am that kind of island.
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I like to think I’m pretty cool.
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I like to think I’m Ibiza.
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There were people who had a good time in life.
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I was beginning to realize I wasn’t one of them.
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I just didn’t fit.
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I didn’t fit at my old school.
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I definitely didn’t fit at my new one.
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I heard that some kids got taught by their parents at home.
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Mum couldn’t do that, unless I paid her to teach me.
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Because it was just her and me. And she went to work.
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She made400 a week.
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Where was I gonna get that kind of money from?
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Maybe if I was like that movie kid, Haley Joel Osment…
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…I could pay her that much.
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But if that meant being good at drama, forget it.
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I was crap at drama.
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‘Cause I hated standing up in front of people.
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So, basically, I had to go to school.
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The sad fact is that, like any island dweller…
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…from time to time I had to visit the mainland.
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This is Imogene. You can hold her if you like.
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That’s… Well, okay.
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Yeah. Got her. Lovely.
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Yeah, she’s delightful, isn’t she?
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I know. Isn’t she?
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To tell the truth, I’m being crap with her.
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You better take her back.
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She could’ve been yours if you got your act together.
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Just think of that, yeah.
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So, the place is looking really nice.
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Barney, Barney, Barney.
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Say hello to Will, Barney.
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Here we go. It’s the Antichrist.
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Hello, Barney. How are you?
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– He’s lovely. – Yeah.
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And what about you, Will? Any desire for a family of your own yet?
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I’d rather eat Barney’s nappies.
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Not really. I’m sort of all right as I am.
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Please, Will.
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What does that mean? “Please” what?
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Look at yourself.
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You’re 38 and you’ve never had a job…
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…or a relationship that lasted longer than two months.
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I wouldn’t exactly say you were okay.
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I mean, I would say you were a disaster.
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I mean, what is the point of your life?
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Bloody hell.
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You’re right. There’s probably no point to my life…
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…but thank you for bringing it up.
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The reason we wanted you to come here today was we wanted to ask you…
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…how would you like to be Imogene’s godfather?
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Seriously? Seriously.
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Listen, I’m really, really touched.
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But you must be joking.
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I couldn’t possibly think of a worse godfather for Imogene.
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You know me. I’ll drop her at her christening.
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I’ll forget her birthdays until her 18th, when I’ll take her out and get her drunk…
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…and possibly, let’s face it, you know, try and shag her.
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I mean, seriously, it’s a very, very bad choice.
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We know, I just thought you had hidden depths.
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No. No. You’ve always had that wrong.
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I really am this shallow.
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Here we are.
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You know you don’t have to walk me to school anymore now, Mum.
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I know the way now.
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But what if I like walking you to school?
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Right.
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Who are you?
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I’m me.
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And what are you not?
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A sheep.
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Right. And what does a sheep go?
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Marcus?
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I love you.
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Look.
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I love you, too.
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“I love you, Marcus!”
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“Love you!”
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Look at him!
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While I couldn’t accept the offer…
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…to become their child’s godfather…
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…I did allow them to set me up with Angie, a rather beautiful coworker of Christine’s.
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They had, however, being them, neglected to tell me one thing.
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There’s something you don’t know about me.
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Yeah?
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Something exciting?
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I think so, yes.
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I have a 3-year-old boy.
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I wanted to throw the napkin on the floor, push over the table and run.
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Brilliant. I love kids.
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Yeah. I like messing about with them.
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Doing kid things.
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I’d have been disappointed if you didn’t have a child.
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Why do you say that?
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God knows.
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Mainly because it sounded smooth and winning.
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Because I love kids so much. They’re so lovely.
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What in God’s name are you saying, you idiot?
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She can’t be buying this rubbish.
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But she did buy my rubbish.
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And for the next few weeks I was suddenly Will the Good Guy.
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Her kid took to me, mainly because on our first meeting…
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…I took him to the zoo and held him upside down by his ankles.
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I wish relationships with proper humans were that easy.
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You know, you are brilliant.
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I came to realize that with single mums…
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…particularly ones who’d been badly treated…
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…and eventually abandoned by the father of their children, you became by comparison…
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You are a wonderful person.
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No, I’m not.
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But it was hard to be wonderful all the time.
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Eventually I began to wonder whether Angie was exactly what I was looking for.
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For instance, she was late for the new IMAX movie because the babysitter hadn’t turned up.
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I’m so sorry. It’s all right.
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That pissed me off.
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– You okay? – Yes.
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And there were deeper problems.
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She couldn’t stay at my place, and she didn’t have a DVD, or satellite or cable.
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So we were always stuck watching some crap made-for-TV movie about a kid with leukemia.
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I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do.
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Godl Nol Please, please, nol
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I was going to have to end it.
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But having been Will the Good Guy…
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…I didn’t relish going back to my role of Will the Unreliable, Emotionally-stunted Asshole.
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I’m sorry?
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You’re breaking up with me? You…
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…self-centered bastard.
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I can’t believe I’ve wasted all this time with you!
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You useless, superficial loser.
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Will…
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Then something magical happened.
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I’m sorry.
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I’m not sure this is working out. It’s not you.
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You’ve been great. It’s me.
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Well, my situation with Louie and his dad.
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I’m not ready to launch into a relationship with anybody new.
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Yeah.
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I’m so sorry.
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I think I understand.
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You’re a wonderful man, Will.
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I’d never watched a woman cry without feeling responsible before.
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She even wanted me to forgive her. It felt amazing.
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Listen, you don’t have anything to feel sorry about. Really.
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So that was the end of Angie, but the beginning of a whole new thing.
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Single mums.
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Why hadn’t anyone told me about them before?
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Passionate sex, a lot of ego massage and a guilt-free parting.
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There must be thousands, just waiting for a nice guy to sleep with and break up with.
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Fabulous, sexy, gorgeous single mums.
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Can I have Cocoa Puffs?
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No, it’s not Sunday.
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The crying had started again. And it scared me…
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…’cause now it was in the mornings.
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She’d never done that before.
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I couldn’t figure it out. Nobody was dead.
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She had a job as a music therapist, which is kind of a teacher for sick kids.
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So there was enough money for food and everything.
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Should I get my own breakfast?
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No, I’m doing it.
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So, you looking forward to school today?
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Today, you’ll need to effect…
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…the decimal point when you multiply it by 10…
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…100 and 1000.
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“Nothing to do but frown
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“Rainy days and Mondays always get me down”
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Thank you very much, Marcus.
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Hi, Nicky. Hi, Mark.

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