線上閱讀討論-單親插班生about a boy 02


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1- Are you going to Computer Club later? – I don’t know. Marcus…
2
Madonna! Go on, give us a song!
3
You’d like that, wouldn’t you?
4
Spice Girls or something. Three of them.
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Yeah. Hey, Spice Girls.
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You made me lose my football.
7
Marcus, we don’t really want you hanging around with us anymore.
8
– Why not? – Well, it’s because of them.
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– They’ve got nothing to do with me. – Yes, they do.
10
We never had trouble with them before we started hanging out with you.
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Now we get it every single day.
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Besides, everyone thinks you’re weird.
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Only a bit, though.
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Okay.
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‘Bye.
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There you have it.
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I was having a shit time at home and a shit time at school.
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It was fine deciding single mums were the future…
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…but the frustrating truth was I didn’t have their numbers.
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– Hi, Dad. – Hey.
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Where did they hang out?
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I’m a single father, I have a 2-year-old boy.
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I’m a single father, I have a 2-year-old boy.
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I’m a single father, I have a 2-year-old boy.
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SPAT.
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This was exciting.
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A potential gold mine of single mums.
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I could see the beautiful creatures now, getting roaring drunk…
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…forgetting their troubles, ready to rock and roll.
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That was when I was 7 months pregnant.
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By the time I had the baby, he was in Majorca with another woman.
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Not even the one he cheated on me with the first time.
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Well, with me, it was the week before the birth.
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He said I’d got too fat.
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Mine was shagging his secretary.
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Such a cliche.
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I’ll tell you one thing: Men are bastards.
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After about 10 minutes…
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…I wanted to cut my own penis off with a kitchen knife.
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Me.
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Yes.
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I have a 2-year-old. Ned.
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He’s got blue eyes and sort of sandy-colored hair…
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…and he’s about 2’3″.
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And his mum left.
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– Really? – Yeah.
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Yeah, I mean, obviously it was a very big shock…
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…because we were so happy, you know?
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Sandra’s neurology practice was just up and running…
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…and then one day her bags were packed, and my best friend was waiting outside…
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…in his Ferrari.
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Yeah. You know, the Modena?
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The one with the supercharged engine, where you can see it through the back window?
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– You got dumped then? – Yeah.
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May I ask, does your ex see Ned at all?
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Sorry, I didn’t catch your name.
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Suzie.
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Suzie.
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She doesn’t see much of him, no.
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How does he cope with that?
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He’s a very good little boy.
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Very, very brave.
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They’ve got amazing resources, don’t they?
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Just the other day I was thinking about my ex.
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He came crawling up, put his little pudgy arms around my neck, and he said:
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“You hang in there, Dad. ”
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God, that’s amazing for a 2-year-old!
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Is it?
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Yeah, he’s very special. Very, very special.
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Sometimes I think, you know, he’s the one taking care of me.
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Teaching me the ways of the world.
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Sorry.
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Thank you.
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My God, what a performancel I was even fooling myself.
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There you go. You okay?
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Yeah. Perfect, thanks.
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– Trust me? – Of course.
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By the end of the evening, I had a date lined up.
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Single parents alone together!
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Single parents alone togetherl All for one and one for alll
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The problem was I also had an imaginary 2-year-old son.
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The date was a SPAT picnic in Regent’s Park, with everyone bringing their kids.
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Sadly, Ned couldn’t be there.
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His mum had come and picked him up at the last second.
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– What a shame. – Yeah.
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I’m sorry.
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– Got it. – This is Megan, by the way.
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Hello, Megan.
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Yeah.
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A friend of mine from SPAT isn’t feeling so great…
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…so I said that we’d take her kid to the picnic, too.
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– Is that all right? – Yeah.
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The more the merrier. Right.
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Come on, slowcoach!
95
I hated that SPATlot.
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Mum’s friend Suzie was fine, but now there was that wally who wanted to get off with her.
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Marcus, Will. Will, Marcus.
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Hi there.
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Right.
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Pile in, everyone. Look what a mess Ned made of the car seat.
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What a shame he can’t come.
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So, what do you do?
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Me?
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There were too many lies to keep track of so I told the truth.
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– Nothing. – Well, before then.
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– What do you mean, before I did nothing? – Yeah.
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I did nothing.
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You’ve never worked?
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I’ve done the odd day here and there, but, no.
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Crazy, isn’t it?
111
It’s…
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Brilliant.
113
My God, I was going to have to tell her.
114
What happened, in fact, was that my dad wrote a song…
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…in 1958, and it’s quite a famous song…
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…and I basically live off the royalties of that.
117
You know Michael Jackson?
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He makes a 1,000,000 a minute.
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That’s 60,000,000 an hour.
120
I don’t make a1,000,000 a minute.
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– Nothing like, sadly. – How much then?
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Marcus!
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I was beginning to wonder if we’d be stuck with this weird kid all day.
124
So, what’s this song then?
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If you can live off it, we must’ve heard of it.
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It’s Santa’s Super Sleigh.
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God, please don’t sing it.
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“Look who’s coming round the bend It’s Santa and his reindeer friends
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“With a ho, ho, ho and a hey, hey, hey, It’s Santa’s super sleigh”
130
I expect people do that all the time.
131
No, I think you two are the first.
132
Sorry. I don’t understand. How does that make you money?
133
Do carol singers have to pay you 10 percent?
134
They should, but you can’t always catch the little bastards.
135
So, how often do you look after him? Marcus.
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Every once in a while.
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His mum’s a little off-color sometimes.
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You call it off-color, I call it nuts.
139
She’s not nuts, Marcus. She just needs a weekend taking it easy.
140
We’ll have a nice picnic, and when you get home, she’ll be all rested up.
141
My God! What the hell is that?
142
My mum’s homemade bread.
143
It looks pretty good.
144
No, it isn’t. It’s healthy.
145
You miss him, don’t you?
146
Who?
147
Ned!
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Yeah.
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Yeah, very much.
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He’d have loved this.
151
I think I killed a duck.
152
I was only trying to feed it.
153
What’s that floating in the water next to it?

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