線上閱讀討論-單親插班生about a boy 04


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1- I knew that guaranteed me a long, depression-free life.
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Yet over the next few days, I did have a strange feeling.
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Like a presence lurking at the back of my mind.
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And I didn’t like it.
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You don’t have a kid, do you?
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What?
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You don’t have a kid, do you?
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Of course I do! What are you on about?
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No, you don’t.
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I’ve been watching you, and you don’t have a kid.
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What is it to you, anyway? Nothing.
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Except you’ve been lying to me, my mum and my mum’s friend.
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– Can I come in? – No.
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Why?
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‘Cause I’m busy.
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– What are you doing? – I’m watching TV.
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I could watch it with you, if you like.
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That’s very nice of you…
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…but I usually manage on my own, thanks.
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Don’t you have homework to do, or something?
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– Want to help? – No, that’s not what I meant.
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I meant, why don’t you go home and do your homework?
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I’ll do you a deal.
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I won’t tell anyone you don’t have a kid if you go out with my mum.
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You’d want your mum to go out with someone like me?
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You’re not too bad.
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I mean, you told lies, but apart from that you seem okay.
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And she’s sad. I think she’d like a boyfriend.
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I can’t just go out with someone…
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…because you want me to. I’d have to like the person, as well.
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– What’s wrong with her? – Nothing’s wrong with her, it’s just the system.
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That’s how it… I’m not talking about this with you.
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Just go.
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Okay. But I’ll be back.
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I’m really scared!
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That’s the best I could come up with, “I’m scared. ”
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But as a matter of fact, I was.
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Okay, that’s it. Tim, goodbye.
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– Jill, goodbye. Carol, goodbye. – Goodbye.
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And from me, arrivederci. Bye-bye.
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Thanks. See you.
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Hello, everybody. Welcome to the game of Countdown.
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You remember yesterday, Carol, I revealed to a grateful nation…
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…that our guest, Tom O’Connell-
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Yes. He, like all of us, changes for each show.
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But he is such a-
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Is that right? Yeah.
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Another term for Hosta, I think.
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Yes, well.
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Named after Heinrich Christian Funck, who also invented disco dancing.
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Yes. I’ve got all his audios.
52
Mum, did you always know I was going to be a vegetarian?
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Yeah, of course I did.
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I didn’t decide on the spur of the moment ’cause we ran out of sausages.
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Did you ask me if I wanted to be a vegetarian?
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What, when you were born?
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I do the cooking and I don’t want to cook meat.
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You have to eat what I eat.
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But you don’t let me go to McDonald’s, either.
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Is this premature teenage rebellion?
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I can’t stop you from going to McDonald’s.
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I’d just be disappointed if you did.
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Don’t worry, Mum. I won’t go to McDonald’s.
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After a few visits, Will seemed to think he had to ask me serious questions.
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But I knew he really wanted to watch Warrior Princess.
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So, how’s it going at home then?
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– You mean my mum? – Yeah.
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She’s all right, thanks.
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I mean, you know, she’s…
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Yeah, I know. No, nothing like that.
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Does it still bother you, then?
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Does it bother me?
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Are you decent?
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Every single day.
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That’s why I come here, instead of going home.
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A bit. When I think about it.
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Fucking hell.
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I don’t know why he swore like that, but it made me feel better.
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It made me feel like I wasn’t being pathetic to get so scared.
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I wouldn’t make the mistake of asking about Fiona again.
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Marcus was clearly screwed up about it…
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…and unfortunately I couldn’t think of anything to say that’d be of any value.
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Next time he could talk to Suzie, or a counselor…
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…or anybody capable of something more than an obscenity.
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Shit! It can’t be.
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November-the-sodding-19.
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Six weeks before Christmas and already they were playing the bloody thing.
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Dad?
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What was your dad like?
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A bit sad, really.
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You know, he wrote one crap song that turned out to be a massive hit…
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…and then spent the rest of his life trying to write a better one.
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Do you ever want to write songs like him?
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Is that what the guitar’s for?
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No.
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So, that’s just there to look cool.
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Yeah.
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I like Santa’s Super Sleigh.
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Madonna! Come here! We’ve got something.
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He’s getting away, look! Hurry up!
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On Pet Rescue today, the clever stoat keeps everyone…
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…on their toes in Somerset.
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Hey!
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What are you doing? Who are you?
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Who am I?
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Bugger off, that’s who I am! Go on, piss off!
107
Who were they, then?
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Who?
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What do you mean, “Who?”
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The ones trying to embed sweets into your skull.
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Oh, them.
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They’re just a couple of older kids. They started following me after school.
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Does this happen often?
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They never chucked sweets before, they just thought of that.
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I’m not talking about the sweets. The kids trying to kill you.
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Yeah, they give me a hard time.
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You know, about my hair, and my clothes and singing and stuff.
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And what? And singing?
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Sometimes I sing out loud without noticing.
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That’s not a brilliant idea, is it?
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I said I did it without noticing, didn’t I? It just happens!
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I’m not going to do it on purpose, am I? I’m not stupid, you know.
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My advice is to keep out of people’s way. Try to make yourself invisible.
124
How can I be invisible?
125
One machine in your kitchen is an invisible machine?
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I don’t think so.
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I just try not to think of it, that’s all.
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It happens, and I wish it didn’t, but that’s life, isn’t it?
129
There’s nothing I can do about it.
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No.
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There is something we can do about it, Marcus.
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You’re coming with me.
133
I was worried he was going to take me to the headmistress’ office.
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But instead he took me shopping.
135
I don’t get it.
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We’re starting with your feet.
137
I can’t make you invisible, but I can make you blend in with the crowd.
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I don’t know how to tie them. They’ve got these funny strappy things.
139
It’s called Velcro.
140
It’s a revolutionary new technology.
141
For Christ’s sake. It’s not hard.
142
All right, wait a minute, it is a bit hard.
143
– Everything all right? – Yeah, thanks.
144
Pretty trendy, your old man, isn’t he?
145
There. You think you look cool, don’t you?
146
Don’t know.
147
– Do you think I look cool? – Yeah, Marcus.
148
– I think you look cool. – Yeah.
149
That’s it, you got the walk. That’s really cool.
150
Brilliant. High five. Yeah.
151
I was suddenly hit by an extraordinary rush of well-being.
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So this is what people meant by a natural high.
153
And it only cost60.
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I had made an unhappy boy temporarily happy.
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And there wasn’t anything in it for me at all.
156
I didn’t even want to shag his mum.
157
Marcus! What happened to your shoes?
158
They stole them.
159
Why would anyone want to steal your shoes?
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I could see I had to tell the truth.
161
The problem was, the truth would lead to a lot more questions.
162
They were nice ones.
163
They were just ordinary brown lace-ups.
164
No, they weren’t. They were cool new trainers.

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