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辛普森一家第一季
The Simpsons S01

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第1集

1
Ooh! Careful, Homer!

2
There's no time. We're late.

3
O little town of Bethlehem

4
How still we see the elie

5
- Excuse me. Pardon me.

6
- Sorry. Excuse me.
- Hey, Norman, how's it going?

7
So you got dragged down here
too, huh?

8
- How you doing, Fred?
- Sorry. Excuse me.

9
- Yeah. 'Scuse me. Oh!

10
Pardon my galoshes.

11
Are met in thee tonight

12
Wasn't that wonderful?

13
And now
"Santas of many lands,"

14
as presented by the entire
second grade class.

15
Oh! Lisa's class.

16
Frohliche Weihnachten.

17
That's German for
" Merry Christmas. "

18
In Germany, Santa's servant Ruprecht
gives presents to good children...

19
and whipping rods
to the parents of bad ones.

20
Merry Kurisumasu.

21
I am Hotseiosha, a japanese priest
who acts like Santa Claus.

22
I have eyes
in the back ofmy head...

23
so children better behave
when I'm nearby.

24
Now presenting Lisa Simpson...

25
as Tawanga, the Santa Claus
of the South Seas.

26
Ooh, it's Lisa! That's ours.

27
Ah, the fourth grade
will now favor us with a melody-

28
Uh, medley
of holiday "flavorites. "

29
Dashing through the snow

30
In a one-horse open sleigh

31
O'er the fields we go

32
Laughing all the way
Ha ha ha

33
Bells on bobtail ring

34
- Isn't Bart sweet, Homer?

35
He sings like an angel.

36
Oh, jingle bells
Batman smells

37
Robin laid an egg

38
The Batmobile
broke its wheel

39
The joker got awa-

40
Jingle bells
Jingle bells

41
Jingle all

42
The fifth grade will now favour us...

43
with a scene from Charles, uh, Dickens'
A Christmas Carol.

44
How many grades does this school have?

45
" Dear friends of the Simpson family,

46
"We had some sadness and
some gladness this year.

47
" First, the sadness.
Our little cat Snowball...

48
"was unexpectedly run over
and went to kitty heaven.

49
"But we bought
a new little cat, Snowball I.

50
"So I guess life goes on.

51
"Speaking of life going on,
Grandpa's still with us, feisty as ever.

52
" Maggie is walking by herself,

53
"Lisa got straight A's,
and Bart-

54
"Well, we love Bart.

55
"The magic of the season
has touched us all.

56
Marge, haven't you finished
that stupid letter yet?

57
- " Homer sends his love. Happy holidays.
- Marge!

58
- The Simpsons. "
- Marge, where's the extension cord?

59
For heaven's sake, Homer.
It's in the utility drawer.

60
Sorry. I'm just a big kid.

61
And I love Christmas
so much.

62
D'oh!

63
All right, children,
let me have those letters.

64
I'll send them to Santa's workshop
at the North Pole.

65
Oh, please. There's only
one fat guy that brings us presents,

66
and his name ain't Santa.

67
Uh- A pony?

68
Oh, Lisa, you've asked for that
for the last three years,

69
and I keep telling you Santa can't
fit a pony into his sleigh.

70
Can't you take a hint?

71
But I really want a pony,

72
- and I've been really good this year.
- Oh, dear.

73
Maybe Bart is
a little more realistic.

74
- A tattoo?
- A what?

75
Yeah! They're cool, and they last
the rest of your life.

76
you will not be getting
a tattoo for Christmas.

77
Yeah. If you want one, you'll have
to pay for it out of your allowance.

78
- All right!
- Homer!

79
- "Yello. "

80
- Marge, please.
- Who's this?

81
May I please speak to Marge?

82
- This is her sister, isn't it?
- Is Marge there?

83
- Who shall I say is calling?
- Marge, please.

84
It's your sister.
Oh!

85
- Hello.
- Hello, Marge. It's Patty.

86
Selma and I couldn't be more excited
about seeing our sister Christmas Eve.

87
Well, Homer and I are looking
forward to your visit too.

88
Somehow I doubt
that Homer is excited.

89
of all the men
you could've married,

90
I don't know why you picked
one who's always so rude to us.

91
- Good one, Dad.

92
Okay, kids,
prepare to be dazzled.

93
Marge, turn on the juice!

94
- What do you think, kids?

95
- Nice try, Dad.

96
Just hold
your horses, son. Hey, Simpson!

97
- What is it, Flanders?
- Do you think this looks okay?

98
Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho.

99
- Oh!
- Oh, neato!

100
It's too bright.

101
I oughta- Flanders.
What a big show-off.

102
- Kids, wanna go Christmas shopping?
- I do!

103
- All right! The mall!
- Go get your money.

104
Tell us, Marge. Where have
you been hiding the Christmas money?

105
Oh, I have my secrets.

106
Turn around.

107
- you can look now.
- Ooh! Big jar this year.

108
Oh, Bart,
that's so sweet.

109
It's the best present
a mother could get,

110
and it makes you look
so dangerous.

111
- One " Mother," please.

112
Wait a minute.
How old are you?

113
- Twenty-one, sir.
- Get in the chair.

114
Mm-hmm.

115
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

116
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

117
Attention,
all personnel, please keep working...

118
during the following
announcement.

119
And now our boss and friend
Mr. Burns.

120
Hello. I'm proud to announce...

121
that we've been able to increase
safety here at the plant...

122
without increasing the cost
to the consumer...

123
or affecting management
payraises.

124
However, for you
semiskilled workers,

125
there will be
no Christmas bonuses.

126
- Oh, and one more thing.

127
Merry Christmas!

128
- Oh, thank God for the big jar.

129
- Where's that Bart?

130
But, Mom,
I thought you'd like it.

131
Yes, Mrs. Simpson, we can remove
your son's tattoo.

132
It's a simple routine
involving lasers.

133
- Cool!
- However, it is rather expensive,

134
and we must insist
on a cash payment up front.

135
- Cash?
- Mm-hmm.

136
Thank God for
Homer's Christmas bonus.

137
- Ay, caramba!
- Now, whatever you do, don't squirm.

138
you don't wanna get this sucker
near your eye or your groin.

139
- Ow! Quit it.

140
Ow! Quit it.

141
Ow! Quit it.

142
- Ow! Quit it.
- Hey, what's with this?

143
Ow! Quit it!
Used to be a real boss tattoo.

144
Mom had to spend the Christmas money
having it surgically removed.

145
Huh?

146
It's true!

147
The jar is empty!
Oh, my God!

148
We're ruined.
Christmas is canceled.

149
No presents for anyone!

150
Don't worry, Homer. We'll just
have to stretch your Christmas bonus...

151
- even further this year.

152
- Homer?
- Oh, yeah. My Christmas bonus.

153
How silly of me.

154
This'll be the best
Christmas yet.

155
The best any family
ever had.

156
Hohoho.

157
Hohoho.

158
Hohoho.

159
Ho ho ho.

160
Hohoho.

161
Hmm. I get the feeling there's
something you haven't told me, Homer.

162
- Huh? Oh. I love you, Marge.
- you tell me that all the time.

163
Oh, good,
because I do love you.

164
I don't deserve you as much
as a guy with a fat wallet...

165
and a credit card that won't
set off that horrible beeping.

166
I think it does have something
to do with your Christmas bonus.

167
I keep asking for it,
but-

168
Marge, um,
let me be honest with you.

169
- Yes?
- Well, I would-

170
I- I wanna do
the Christmas shopping this year.

171
Uh, sure, okay.

172
Marge, Marge. Hmm. Let'ssee.

173
Ooh, look!

174
Pantyhose.
Practical and alluring.

175
A six-pack.
Oh! Only 4.99.

176
Ooh! Pads of paper.

177
I bet Bart can think of
a million things to do with these.

178
That just leaves
little Maggie. Oh, look!

179
A little squeak toy.

180
It says it's for dogs,
but she can't read.

181
Ow! Oh, Simpson,
it's you.

182
- Hello, Flanders.
- Oh, my! What a mess we've got here.

183
Well, which ones are yours
and which ones are mine?

184
- Well, let's see.
- Oh, this one's mine. This one's mine.

185
- This one's mine, and this-
- They're all yours!

186
- Hey, you dropped your pork chop.

187
- Gimme that!
- Well, happy holidays, Simpson.

188
- Gee, this is the best Christmas ever.
- You bet.

189
What's the matter, Homer? Somebody
leave a lump of coal in your stocking?

190
You've been sitting there,
sucking on a beer all day long.

191
- So?
- So, it's Christmas.

192
- Thanks, Moe.

193
Drinks all around!

194
What's with
the crazy getup, Barn?

195
I got me a part-timejob
working as a Santa down at the mall.

196
Wow! Can I do that?

197
I don't know. They're
pretty selective.

198
Do you like children?

199
What do you mean? All the time?
Even when they're nuts?

200
- Hmm.
- Uh, I certainly do.

201
Welcome aboard, Simpson.

202
Pending your successful completion
of our training program, that is.

203
Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho.

204
- What is it now, Simpson?
- Uh, when do we get paid?

205
Not a dime till Christmas Eve!
Now, from the top.

206
Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho.

207
Um, Dasher.

208
- Dancer.
- Mm-hmm.

209
- Prancer.
- Mm-hmm.

210
Nixon.

211
Comet and... Cupid.

212
- Donna Dixon?
- Sit down, Simpson.

213
And what would you like,
little boy?

214
- You're not really Santa, tubby.
- Why, you little egghead!

215
No, Homer! If such
an emergency arises,

216
you just tell them
Santa's vey busy this time of year,

217
- and you are one of his helpers.
- Oh, I knew that one too!

218
Homer, why are you
seven hours late?

219
Not a word, Marge.
I'm heading straight for the tub.

220
But, Homer,
my sisters are here.

221
- Don't you wanna say hello?

222
- Daddy! We're so glad to see you!
- Oh, Dad, you're finally home!

223
What? Why?
Oh, yeah.

224
Hello, Patty.
Hello, Selma.

225
- How was your trip?
- Fine.

226
- you both look well.
- Thank you.

227
- Yeah, well, Merry Christmas.
- It's Christmas?

228
- you wouldn't know it around here.
- And why is that?

229
- For one thing, there's no tree
- I was just on my way out to get one!

230
- Can we go too, Dad?
- Yeah, can we?

231
No!

232
Sleighbells ring

233
Are you listening

234
In the lane

235
Snow is glistening

236
A beautiful sight

237
We're happy tonight

238
- Walking in a winter wonderland

239
Hey! What do you think you're doing?

240
- Uh-oh.
- Hey! Hey!

241
- Come back here!

242
So what do you think, kids?
Beauty, isn't it?

243
- Wow! Yay, Dad!
- Way to go, Dad!

244
- Why is there a birdhouse in it?
- Uh, that's an ornament.

245
Do I smell gunpowder?

246
and then I want some Robotoids.

247
And then I want
a Goop Monster.

248
And then I want
a great big, giant-

249
Aw, son, you don't need
all that junk.

250
I'm sure you've already
got something much more important-

251
a decent home and a loving father
who would do anything for you.

252
Hey, I couldn't afford lunch.
Give me a bite of that donut.

253
Get a load of that
quote-unquote Santa.

254
I can't believe those kids
are falling for it.

255
Hey, Milhouse, I dare you
to sit on his lap.

256
- I dare you to yank his beard off.
- Ah, touche.

257
I hope you feel better,
Santa.

258
Oh, I will when Mrs. Claus' sisters
get outta town.

259
Thanks for listening, kid.

260
Hey, Santa,
what's shaking, man?

261
What's your name, Bart... ner?
Uh, little partner?

262
- I'm Bart Simpson. Who are you?
- I'm jolly Old St. Nick.

263
Oh, yeah?
We'll just see about that.

264
D'oh!

265
- Homer!
- A word with you in Santa's workshop.

266
- Cover for me, Elfie.
- I didn't know it was you.

267
Nobody knows.
It's a secret.

268
I didn't get my bonus this year.

269
But to keep the family
from missing out on Christmas,

270
- I'd do anything.
- I'll say, Dad.

271
you must really love us
to sink so low.

272
Now, let's not get mushy, son.

273
I still have a job to do.

274
Hey, little ones. Santa's back.

275
Ho ho- D'oh!

276
Damn it to-

277
Ah, son, one day
you're gonna know...

278
the satisfaction of payday.

279
Receiving a big fat check
for a job well done.

280
Simpson, Homer?
Here ya go.

281
Come on, son. Let's go cash
this baby and get presents for-

282
Thirteen bucks? Hey, wait a minute.

283
That's right.
$120 gross.

284
Less Social Security,
less unemployment insurance,

285
- less Santa training...
- Santa training?

286
less costume purchase,
less beard rental, less Christmas club.

287
- But- But-
- See ya next year.

288
- Ohh!
- Come on, Dad. Let's go home.

289
Thirteen bucks?

290
you can't get anything
for 13 bucks.

291
Allright!
Thirteen bigones!

292
Springfield Downs,
here I come!

293
- What?
- you heard me.

294
I'm going to the dog track.

295
I got a hot little puppy
in the fourth race.

296
- Wanna come?
- Sory, Barney.

297
I may be a total washout as a father,
but I'm not gonna take my kid...

298
to a sleazy dog track
on Christmas Eve.

299
Come on, Simpson.
The dog's name is Whirlwind.

300
Ten-to-one shot.
Money in the bank.

301
- Uh-uh.
- Ah, come on, Dad.

302
This can be the miracle that
saves the Simpsons' Christmas.

303
If TV has taught me anything,

304
it's that miracles always
happen to poor kids at Christmas.

305
It happened to Tiny Tim,
it happened to Charlie Brown,

306
it happened to the Smurfs
and it's gonna happen to us.

307
Well, okay, let's go.
Who's Tiny Tim?

308
Hey, Moldy, do you
think Santa will be able to find...

309
ElfCounty
under all this snow?

310
I doubt it, Bubbles. We'll be
sad little elves this Christmas.

311
- Oh, no!
- Oh, brother.

312
- Where's your husband?
- Yeah. It's getting late.

313
Said he went caroling
with Bart.

314
We're in the money,
we're in the money

315
We got a lot of
what it takes to get along

316
I can't believe
I'm doing this.

317
Can we open
our presents now, Dad?

318
you know the tradition, son.
Not till the eighth race.

319
Hey, Barney,
which one is Whirlwind?

320
Number Six. That's our lucky dog
right over there.

321
He's won
his last five races.

322
What? That scrawny little
bag of bones?

323
Come on, Dad. They're all
scrawny little bags of bones.

324
Yeah, you're right.

325
I guess Whirlwind is our only hope
for a Merry Christmas.

326
Attention,
racing fans, we have a late scratch...

327
in the fourth race.

328
Number 8, Sir Galahad will be
replaced by Santa's Little Helper.

329
Once again, Sir Galahad has been
replaced by Santa's Little Helper.

330
Bart, did you hear that?

331
What a name!
Santa's Little Helper!

332
- It's a sign! It's an omen!
- It's a coincidence, Dad.

333
- What are the odds on Santa's Little
Helper? - Ninety-nine to one.

334
Wow! Ninety-nine times
thirteen equals... Merry Christmas!

335
I got a bad feeling
about this.

336
- Don't you believe in me, son?
- Uh-

337
Come on, boy. Sometimes your faith
is all that keeps me going.

338
Oh, go for it, Dad.

339
That's my boy! Eveything on
Santa's Little Helper.

340
Three cheers for Brainy!

341
- Hip hip hooray!
- Yay!

342
Unadulterated pap.

343
It's almost 9:00.
Where's Homer anyway?

344
It's so typical
of the big doof us to spoil it all.

345
- What, Aunt Patty?
- Oh, nothing, dear.

346
I'm just trashing
your father.

347
Well, I wish you wouldn't...

348
because aside from the fact he has
the same frailties as all human belings.

349
he's the only father I have.

350
Therefore, he is
my model of manhood,

351
and my estimation of him will govern
the prospects of my adult relationships.

352
So I hope you bear in mind that
any knock at him is a knock at me,

353
and I'm far too young to defend
myself against such onslaughts.

354
Mm-hmm. Go watch
your cartoon show, dear.

355
Come on, Bart.

356
Kiss the ticket for good luck,
not that we need it.

357
Here comes
Screwy the mechanical rabbit.

358
- and they're off!

359
- Come on, Santa's Little Helper!
- Come on, dog! Go, man, go!

360
It's Whirlwind in the lane, and
coming up on the left is Quadruped,

361
followed by Dog O'War
and Fido.

362
- Go! Come on, boy!
- Go! Come on, get that rabbit!

363
Dog O'War coming up fast
on the outside.

364
- Come on, Santa's Little Helper!
- Come on, dog! Go, man, go!

365
And with a lock on last place,
it's Santa's Little Helper.

366
- Don't worry, Dad.

367
Maybe this is just for suspense
before the miracle happens.

368
- Come on, you stupid dog! Come on!
- Go, go!

369
- Run! Run!
- Run, run! Come on, get that rabbit!

370
- Go, go, Santa's Little Helper! Run!
- Go, go, go!

371
Whirlwind by a countrymile, second,
ChewMyShoe, followed by Dog O'War.

372
Oh, jeez!

373
Doesn't seem possible,
but I guess TV has betrayed me.

374
I don't wanna leave
till our dog finishes.

375
Ah, forget it.
Let's go.

376
- Find any winners, son?
- Sory, Dad.

377
Hey, hey, Simpson!
What'dl tell you?

378
Whirlwind!
Let's go, Daria.

379
Beat it! Scram! Get lost!

380
- you came in last for the last time!

381
Look, Dad, it's
Santa's Little Helper.

382
And don't come back!

383
Oh, no, you don't! No, no!
Get away from me! Uh-uh!

384
Oh, can we keep him,
Dad, please?

385
But he's a loser!
He's pathetic! He's-

386
A Simpson.

387
Hmm. Maybe I should
call the police.

388
- Oh, he'll sober up.
- Yeah. Come staggering home.

389
Mm-hmm.
Smelling of cheap perfume.

390
- Homer!

391
- What? What the- Who the-
- Look, eveybody,

392
- I have a confession to make.
- This should be good.

393
I didn't get
my Christmas bonus.

394
I tried not to let it
ruin Christmas for eveybody,

395
but no matter
what I did-

396
- Hey, eveybody, lookwhat we got!

397
A dog!
All right, Dad!

398
- God bless him.
- So love at first sight is possible.

399
And if he runs away,
he'll be easy to catch.

400
Oh,
this is the best gift of all, Homer!

401
- It is? -
Yes. Something to share our love...

402
and frighten prowlers.

403
- What's his name?
- Number 8-

404
I mean, Santa's Little Helper.

405
Rudolph the red-nosed
reindeer

406
Had a very shiny nose

407
And if you ever saw it

408
- you would even say it glows
- Like a light bulb!

409
- Bart!
- All of the other reindeer

410
Used to laugh
and call him names

411
- Like Shnozzola!
- Lisa!

412
They never let poor Rudolph

413
- Join in any reindeergames
- Like strippoker!

414
- I'm warning you two!
- Then one foggy Christmas Eve

415
- Santa came to say
- Take it, Homer!

416
Uh, Rudolph get your nose over here

417
- So you can guide my sleigh today
- Oh, Homer.

418
Then all the reindeer
loved him

419
and they shouted out
with glee

420
Rudolph the red-nosed
reindeer

421
You'll go down in history

422
- Like Attila the Hu-
- You little-

423
Shh.

 

12