Where are you going?
I gotta go.
Gotta go home, change my clothes
and go to work. And so do you.
But after work I'd like to take you
out to dinner, if you're free. You free?
- Fine. I'll call you later.
- Sorry to call so early.
- Are you all right?
No one I know would call at this hour.
- No one I know would call.
- It's awful.
- I need to talk.
- What happened?
- Harry came over.
- I went to Sally's.
- I was upset Joe was marrying.
- One thing led to another.
- Before I knew it we were kissing. Then...
- .. we did it.
They did it!
- That's great!
- We prayed for it.
- You shoulda done it before.
- We said you should do it.
- You belong together.
- You killed two birds with one stone.
- Two wrongs make a right.
- How was it?
- During part was good,...
- .. then I felt suffocated.
- .. then it wasn't.
- The worst.
- I had to go.
- He left.
- I feel bad.
- I'm embarrassed.
I don't blame you.
- I feel ill.
- I'm catching a cold.
Look, it didn't work out.
Never sleep with anyone
when you find out your ex is marrying.
- Who's talking?
- Is that Jess?
- It's Jane Fonda on the VCR.
- It's Bryant Gumbel.
Wanna have breakfast?
- No, I'm not up to it.
- I feel too awful.
- I mean, it's so early.
- But call me later.
- I'll call you later.
- OK. Bye.
- I know.
Tell me I'll never have to be
out there again.
You will never have to be out there again.
I'll just say we made a mistake.
Sally, it was a mistake.
I just hope I get to say it first.
I hope she says it before I do.
- It was a mistake.
- I am so relieved that you think so, too.
I'm not saying last night wasn't great.
- It was!
- Yes, it was!
- We just never should have done it.
- I couldn't agree more.
- I am so relieved!
Two mixed green salads.
It is so nice when you can sit
with someone and not have to talk. Hm?
Most of the time,
you go to bed with someone,
then she tells you all her stories,
you tell her all your stories.
But with Sally and me,
we'd already heard each other's stories.
So once we went to bed, we didn't know
what we were supposed to do. You know?
I don't know.
Maybe you get to a point in a relationship
where it's too late to have sex. You know?
Is Harry bringing anyone to the wedding?
I don't think so.
- Is he seeing anyone?
- He was seeing this anthropologist, but...
- What does she look like?
- Thin, pretty, big tits.
Your basic nightmare.
What d'ya think?
Tell the truth.
It's just beautiful.
We are gathered here today to celebrate
the marriage of Marie and Jess.
And to consecrate
their vows of matrimony.
The vows they will take join their lives.
The wine they will share
binds all their hopes together.
And by the rings they will wear,
they will be known to all
as husband and wife.
I've never seen her so happy.
She's a different person.
Oh, yeah, she is. It's great,
but what're we gonna do about you?
- Hon, you wanna dance?
- Oh, yeah! Yeah, I do.
- Excuse us.
- Nice ceremony.
Boy, the holidays are rough! Every year I
try to get from Thanksgiving to New Year.
A lot of suicides.
- Would you like a pea pod with shrimp?
- Thank you.
- How've you been?
- Seeing anybody?
- I don't wanna talk about this.
- Why not?
- I don't want to talk about it.
Why can't we get past this? Are we
gonna carry this thing around for ever?
- Forever? It just happened!
- It happened three weeks ago.
You know how a year to a person
is like seven years to a dog?
Is one of us supposed to be a dog
in this scenario?
- Who is the dog?
- You are.
- I am! I am the dog!
I am the dog! I...
I don't see that. You are the dog. You act
like what happened didn't mean anything.
No, I don't, but why
does it have to mean everything?
Because it does! You know it better than
anyone, cos after it happens you walk out!
- I didn't walk out.
- Sprinted is more like it.
- We both agreed it was a mistake.
- The worst mistake I ever made!
- What do you want from me?
Fine! But let's just get one thing straight. I
did not go over there to make love to you.
But you looked at me with these weepy
eyes: "Don't go home. Hold me, Harry. "
- What was I supposed to do?
- Are you saying you took pity on me?
- No! I was...
- Fuck you!
Everybody, could I have
your attention, please?
I'd like to propose a toast,
to Harry and Sally.
To Harry and Sally.
If Marie or I had found either of them
we would not be here today.
Have yourselfa merry little Christmas
Let yourselfbe light
From now on
our troubles will be out ofsight
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the yuletide gay
From now on
our troubles will be miles away
Hi, it's me. It's the holiday season,
and I thought I'd remind you
that it's the season of forgiveness.
And, although it's not widely known,
it is also the season of grovelling.
So, if you felt like calling me back,
I'd be more than happy to do
the traditional Christmas grovelling.
Give me a call.
Hi, I'm not home. I'll call you right back.
If you're there, please pick up.
I really wanna talk to you.
The fact you're not answering leads me
to believe you're either, A: not at home,
home, but don't wanna talk to me, or C:
home, desperately wanna talk to me,
but trapped under something heavy.
If it's either A or C, please call me back.
Obviously she doesn't wanna talk to me.
What do I have to do, be hit on the head?
If she wants to call, she'll call.
I'm through acting like a schmuck.
If you're feeling sad and lonely
There's a service I can render
Tell the one who digs you only
I can be so warm and tender
Maybe it's late tojust call me
Don't be afraid to just phone moi
Call me and I'll be around
Give me a call.
- Hi, Harry.
- Hello. Hi! Hi!
I didn't know that you would...
That you were there.
- What're you doing?
- I was just on my way out.
Where you going?
- What do you want, Harry?
- Nothing. Nothing.
I... I just called to say I'm sorry.
- I gotta go.
- Wait a second. Wait... wait a second.
What're you doing for New Year's? Going
to the Tylers' party? I don't have a date.
If you don't have a date, we always said
we could be together for New Year's and...
I can't do this any more.
I am not your consolation prize.
And here we are once again. The 16th
annual "New Year's Rocking Eve",
coming to you live...
What's so bad about this?
You got Dick Clark - tradition.
You got Mallomars,
the greatest cookie of all time.
And you're about to give the Knicks
their first championship since 1973.
I don't know why I let you drag me to this.
This is much better. Fresh air,
I have the streets all to myself.
Who needs to be at a big, crowded party,
pretending to have a good time?
Plus, this is the perfect time
to catch up on my window-shopping.
This is good.
So the guy says "Read the card. "
- I'm going home.
- You'll never get a taxi.
You realise that
we could never be friends.
- Why not?
- What I'm saying is,
men and women can't be friends,
cos the sex part always gets in the way.
That's not true!
No man can be friends
with a woman he finds attractive.
- He always wants to have sex with her.
- What if they don't wanna have sex?
Doesn't matter. The sex thing is already
out there, so the friendship is doomed.
And that is the end of the story.
- I guess we're not gonna be friends then.
- Guess not.
That's too bad.
You were the only person
that I knew in New York.